The Mattress Is in My Car. The Bed Frame Is at the Office. I'm Writing This at 2:30am.

A further update on the sleeping situation, in which I report that progress has been made, logistics have not cooperated, Nugget pushed me completely off the mat onto the cold floor.

I have an update. Multiple updates, actually. Let me walk you through where we are.

Last Wednesday — yes, days ago, yes I am aware — I picked up a mattress. A real mattress. Not an air mattress. Not a kindergarten mat. An actual brand new memory foam mattress, one of those vacuum sealed ones that somehow fits inside a box that seems physically too small to contain a mattress, which is either impressive engineering or some kind of magic and I have not looked into it closely enough to know which.

I picked it up. I put it in my car. And there it has stayed.

The mattress is in my car right now. Brand new, still in the box, in my car. This is where we are.

A Brief Timeline of Events

In My Defense — Several Points

I want to address the mattress situation before you come to your own conclusions. There are reasons. They are valid reasons. I am going to present them to you now.

First: the mattress is heavy. These vacuum sealed foam mattresses look manageable in the box and are not. Getting it from the car into the house, up whatever is between the car and the house, and into a bedroom is a solo operation that requires either help or a specific kind of energy I have not had at the end of any of the days since Wednesday.

Second: I do not want to open it until I'm ready to use it. This is a real consideration. You open the box, the mattress starts expanding, and now you are committed. I respect that commitment. I want to be ready for it.

Third: I do not want to put the mattress on the floor. I have the bed frame. The bed frame is at the office. I have not been to the office in four days because gas is four dollars a gallon and I am not driving somewhere I do not have to drive. This is financial reasoning and it is sound.

Fourth — and this is where the logic starts to get a little thin — I may be slightly lazy some days. I will admit this. It is a character trait I am aware of and generally at peace with except for tonight when I am lying on a cold hard floor because my dog pushed me off the only soft surface in the building.

What Happened Tonight

Let me describe the specific sequence of events that led to me writing a blog post at 2:30 in the morning.

Nugget pushed me off the mat. Not gradually, not partially — fully off. I went from being on the mat to being on the floor, which is cold and hard and has absolutely nothing between me and it. The floor. Just me and the floor.

He however, was sleeping spectacularly. I will give him this: he did not push my head completely away from him. He maintained contact. Whether this was affectionate or strategic I cannot say, but either way his very large, very heavy head was on my hair. Le Labo Bergamote today, which smells incredible and which I will be reviewing very soon — but which in this particular moment was working against me because apparently it smells good enough that an 80-pound pup will sleep on it and then not move when you try to.

I tried to shift. My hair pulled. His head is heavy. It was not a comfortable situation and it was not resolving itself quickly.

So I am now writing this at 2:30 in the morning. Fully committed to the bit.

Today Is Actually the Day

I mean it this time. Not "maybe tomorrow." Not "probably this week." Today.

This morning I am going to the office. The bed frame is coming home with me. When I get back this afternoon the mattress comes out of the car. The bed frame gets assembled. The mattress gets opened and placed on said frame and allowed to expand into its full mattress destiny. And tonight — tonight — I sleep in an actual bed like an actual adult human being who has made reasonable decisions about her living situation.

Nugget will immediately claim the entire thing before I have put a single sheet on it. I already know this. I have made my peace with it. At this point he can have whatever side he wants as long as I also have a side and that side is not the floor.

I also want to note — for those keeping track — that I am writing this instead of sleeping partly because I cannot sleep comfortably on the cold floor and partly because if I document this the way I have been documenting everything, you will all be invested in the outcome and that accountability might actually be what gets the bed assembled tonight instead of just moved from the car to the hallway where it will sit for another four days.

We are not doing that. The bed is happening today. Stay tuned.